The 2005 SmartWriters.com Write It Now Competition Grand Prize Winner is...

Even as I start writing this, I'm not sure how to finish that sentence. Still, I know a lot of people have been anxiously awaiting this announcement - several have even emailed me to ask. I've reviewed all of the first place winners and while I've narrowed it down to two, I feel like the other first place finishers are all so wonderful in their own right, I want to award them all with the grand prize. Unfortunately I can't do that.

How do you choose?

Someone asked the other day how I will choose the Grand Prize Winner. I rely on several things. Some are logical: Can this book really be published? Do I know an editor/house who it fits? Is this work award-worthy? Is there anything I would change about the manuscript/illustration - anything I need clarification on, or expanded, or is it so polished and letter-perfect, that it could go straight to press as it is?

Some are illogical, based solely on my emotional reaction to the story. My critique group knows that I have a "tell" when it comes to good writing. I get goosebumps whenever I read something particularly wonderful. Sometimes my scalp tingles and the goosebumps stop at the top of my shoulders. That's pretty good. Sometimes they go all the way down my arms. Better. Sometimes, on rare occasions, I get little tingling ripples from the top of my head and up and down my legs. That's really, really good.

I also pay attention to how many organs are being affected by this particular writing. Does it make me cry? Laugh? Is my heart beating faster? Is my stomach tightening into a knot from tension or fear for the main character? The more organs the better.

I also have to think long term about the effects of this decision. The Grand Prize Winner will be shared with all of the reviewing editors (and a few more who have emailed me in the last few days asking to see the manuscripts, too!). If I choose well, it's highly likely that this will result in a contract, which will not only benefit the author, but it will be good for the W.I.N. Competition, too. Bonus for everyone concerned.

So let's review:

Illustration: Adam Ragan's "A Vacation from Hibernation" is funny - whimsical, even - and promises a comical bear-out-of-the-cave look at winter. His figures show a lot of character and the detail in his illustration, and that "finished quality" that Scott Piehl liked so much is all very, very good. This is Ragan's first foray into children's illustration, too, and I think he did a great job.

Poetry: These are some really wonderful poems by Diana Smith. I wish I could print a couple for everyone to see, but that might interfere with her ability to sell the collection, and it's hard enough to sell a collection of poetry these days, but these will go to aquiring editors, so keep your fingers crossed for Diana.

Non-Fiction: Well, Kelly already said more about the very wonderful Hero of Nacozari by Kathleen Tuthill than I ever could. And Kelly should know about award-winning non-fiction, since she just won the Benjamin Franklin Award and her books have won other awards besides. But even Kelly pointed out that a hero that doesn't make it might be a hard sell, even if it's a true story, and a very moving one at that.

Picturebooks: The Five Gold Coins by Kay Flowers came really close. I liked the gentle humor in this book, and Katie Davis points out that it is so good because it feels so familiar, like a favorite pair of mittens on a cold day. I have no doubt that this one will be under contract soon. But it's not quite Grand Prize material for me.

Which leaves me to the Midgrade and YA W.I.N.NERS.

I've been rereading them both over and over, trying to decide. I had taken a few days' break from them so I could look at them again with fresh eyes, but I can't say that it's helping at all to have done so.

Anne Marie Pace's COMING OUT WALKING is the very tender story of young girl living in the Blue Ridge Mountains in 1933, whose family is about to be displaced because the U.S. government is creating the Blue Ridge National Park. This is their last Christmas in the home she's known all her life, but the really pressing thing is that her older brother, Billy, left home three months earlier and they've had no contact from him since. If they leave, how will he ever find them when he comes home? The first 1,000 words are so emotionally engaging that I find myself tearing up even after the fifth time I've read it.

If the rest of the novel holds up to the bar set by the first two chapters, Pace has a timeless classic on her hands here. Reminiscent of Richard Peck's and Kate DiCamillo's work, the synopsis promises a Newbery-worthy tale, too.

Alessia Cowee's CALENDAR OF THE LIVING AND THE DEAD: A NOVEL TOLD IN STORIES has a wholly different kind of emotional impact, but it is no less engaging to read. The first 1,000 words are the prologue where a teenage girl, Leila, is riding a bus to visit her sick mentor in a hospital in the Occupied Territories in the Golan Heights. Through the girl's eyes, we see the other riders on the bus, a mix of Arabs, French, English, Israelis and more. We are introduced to the doctors and nurses, the soldiers, a British mother and child, and a young student who boards with a backpack slung casually over one shoulder. An argument breaks out between one of the doctors and a nurse, and an Israeli soldier rises to put a stop to it. Leila notices the student, who has his eyes closed, his lips smiling and moving in prayer, and she smiles, too.  The bus arrives at the hospital and as Leila approaches the door, she hears a noise and sees the student touch something on his sweater, then her world explodes. That's one heck of an opening. It reminds me of that quote about grabbing your reader by the throat, shoving them up against the wall, and not letting them down until the last page. Powerful stuff.

According to the synopsis, the novel is about a different girl, Nina, who must come to grips with the death of her father, one of the doctors on the bus, and does so with the guidance of Leila's Syrian literature professor/mentor, a patient at the hospital where she volunteers, the same hospital where Nina's father was a doctor and her mother is a nurse. It packs a serious emotional punch, no doubt heightened by the recent bombings in London and Spain, and of course, 9/11 and the ongoing suicide bombings and other acts of terror in the Middle East.

Six in one...

The writing is equally powerful in both entries. The stories are emotionally engaging and well-crafted. Both have the potential to be used in classrooms, Pace's as a historical reference to a not-often-covered time period on top of just being really good literature, and Cowee's as a window into a world that kids usually only get to see in glimpses on the evening news, if they watch the news at all. It would certainly generate a lot of incredible classroom discussion.

Okay, typos. I found one in Cowee's piece, none in Pace's. But should typos really have any sway here? No.

Award-winners? Yes, I can see both winning for their respective age groups, but since I'm not on the Newbery or the Printz committees, or any other literary prize anywhere, I have no power there. I can only decide for this contest.

So, by the narrowest of margins, based solely on the refined writing of the piece, I'm going with Anne Marie Pace's Coming Out Walking. Congratulations, Anne Marie, and well done, to you and all of the W.I.N.NERS and Honorable Mentions in this year's Write It Now Competition!

What happens now?

I'm waiting on the 2006 CWIM's to arrive so I can send the prize packages out all together. Alice Pope tells me they should be in house in the next couple of weeks, so I expect to get them out in early-mid August.

Also, I'm sending out the first-fourth place winners' manuscripts tomorrow to the respective editors. Some I can email, others will be sent via regular post. I will enclose the authors' contact information with each and leave it to the reviewing editors to contact them after that. So far I've had another editor and agent contact me wanting to see these manuscripts, too, so there's a lot of buzz already about the winners. I'm betting we'll have at least ten new authors and illustrators under contract by the end of the year.

Next for SmartWriters.com: our first ever Short Story competition, W.I.N.: SHORTS!

THE W.I.N.NERS ARE ANNOUNCED

At last! Thank you all for your patience and for waiting another day or two for the full results and the announcement of our Grand Prize W.I.N.NER. I think Terry Davis's comments - a mini-workshop on writing theory! - were well worth the wait, as were the thoughtful comments of all the other judges (Thank you, everyone!).

I'm very, very proud to present the following authors and illustrators to you all. I and the other judges of this year's W.I.N. competition were amazed at, thrilled with, and not-just-a-little intimidated by the talent in this year's crop of entries, the Illustration and Mid-Grade Categories especially.

To all who entered, whether your name is listed below or not, thank you. Thank you for choosing to create books for children, for working to improve your craft, and for having the guts to put your work up against some fierce competition to see how it rates. You are each and every one to be commended.

This year's competition has been a real learning process for me, on both professional and personal levels. Last year I had just suffered a series of personal losses, so I was kind of numb through the whole thing, trying to keep up a brave front, but this year I was really able to engage and enjoy the event. A couple of things I learned:

1) Just because it rhymes, it's not a poem.

2) Picturebooks need to allow the pictures to help tell the story, too. Otherwise it's a magazine short story.

3) According to Nikki Grimes, "There's no room for anything like a grammatical error in poetry. A poem has to be perfect."

4) Gross does not equal funny. Well, maybe a little, but don't overdo it.

5) Cute photographs/art do not make up for weak writing.

6) You never know when someone is going to step up and hand you an invitation to the ball, so you'd better be ready to dance. (Last year, of our 22 W.I.N.NERS, six are now under contract and one is pending. This year, I'm betting on ten. At least.)

I also came away from this with a whole new respect for Acquisitions Editors, and one more thing: I realized that I really, genuinely love Story.

It transcends culture, generation, and gender. It defines us and tells us who are are, and who we can be. Story is sacred.

With that said, come on in to chapel...

Roxyanne Young
Editorial Director, SmartWriters.com

Wait! One more bonus! ATTENTION W.I.N.NERS: Agents Stefanie von Borstel and Lilly Ghahremani of Full Circle Literary Agency would like to see your manuscripts, too, providing you are not already represented. If you do not already have an agent and would like to be considered, please go to www.FullCircleLiterary.com and follow their submission guidelines (they are particularly interested in multicultural themes), and write "2005 W.I.N.NER" on the envelope so they'll know who you are right away. Full Circle Literary has had success launching first-time children’s books authors including Margarita Montalvo’s Poetry Zoo/Zoológico de poemas which was just awarded a 2005 Latino Book Award, and Monica Brown recipient of the Américs Award for her first children's picture book.

* An asterisk denotes an entry via email. It was our first year taking email entries and I think it proved very successful.

Picture Book W.I.N.NERS
Judged by Katie Davis

FIRST: The Five Gold Coins by Kay Flowers, Summerfield, OH
I started reading this manuscript and instantly felt as though I were immersed in a favorite old story. It feels so familiar because it has the comforting rhythm of a classic folktale, burnished to perfection.  The writing is so tight I couldn’t find anything to cut; there are no
superfluous words.  The ending has a twist that clicks the story right into place, and the warmth between the two main characters is simply revealed but deeply felt by the reader.  It’s such a satisfying story (I just loved that ending!), and so well polished, it’s obvious you
have the talent to craft a tale that resonates strongly.  Excellent work.

SECOND: Frog Soup by Wendi Silvano, Grand Junction, CO
This story made me laugh out loud.  I loved it.  The very funny repetitive bit with the hyena gives the manuscript its bite (sorry, couldn’t resist) and makes it fresh, steering it way clear of average. It needs a tiny bit of tweaking, and I saw a couple of places where all
you need to do is change the order of things to make it much stronger.  Other than that, I think it’s ready to send out.  Nice job!

THIRD: Monkey Muffins by Kim Norman, Smithfield, VA
This is a romping, fresh take on The House that Jack Built.  I love that your crusty old lady wins for her sweets, and that she’s sneaky and ornery. What a character! The colloquialisms are good, but not overdone, and there are some very funny read-aloud names.  The juxtaposition of today’s high-tech world and country bumpkins is a hoot. I’d suggest taking out your illustration notes, since it will be obvious to any illustrator what you’re going for. I’d also cut the explanations of every nickname (but make sure they’re close enough, unlike Hodie/Hank).  They’re unnecessary and stop the flow.  But you’ve
created such a great feisty character and fun story that I’m confident you’ll polish this up to shine even more brightly than it already does.   Again, here is a manuscript with a fun twist at the end.  I loved that.

FOURTH: The Golden Castanets by Kristina Jordan Cobarrubia, San Diego, CA
This is a lovely tale, told in an elegant style. While beautifully written, I do think this manuscript needs paring down and tightening up. There are a lot of details that beget logistical questions.  For example, you need to clarify the parameters of the king’s invitation: the mother is going to dance for him, but why does she need to stay in Madrid for so long to do so? Is she going to live there?  So she’s leaving her young child for at least a month so she can fulfill her dream?  No wonder the kid is angry!  The mom seems self-centered, which makes her less likable, (though perhaps more human), but I don’t think that’s what you were going for. You also need to beware of convenient coincidences in order to make your story work, such as mother and daughter bumping into each other at the bus stop. You can ratchet up the tension, while at the same time, make the reader understand more why mother must leave her child to dance for the king.  This will make
Marisol’s theft more desperate and understandable, which will leave the ending all the sweeter.

Honorable Mentions (In no particular order)

A note to all Honorable Mentioners:  Your stories intrigued me enough to make this list, but they all need more work.  Do not be downhearted by my critique; it is given to you because you have something worth working on, and I am excited by your efforts.  I hope you use my suggestions to fuel your fire, not extinguish it.  To each of you I suggest Tighten!  Tighten!  Tighten! and Cut! Cut! Cut!  Not to sound like a Nike ad, but just do it.  Slash that sucker until it’s crispy and delicious to read aloud (you do read them aloud to yourselves, right?)  To make it easier, tell yourself you can always change it back.  You’ve already done a lot of hard work, the toughest being licking that stamp and sending your baby off to be judged.  So keep at it, and remember, every single word needs to be working for you.  Kill the rest.

A Balloon For Emily by Deborah Underwood, San Francisco, CA
You have a cute idea.  Title could be much more fun and telling (think about your potential word choices … porcupines, popping, party poopers, etc.)  I love the end solution.

Finkle Winkle Waddle Be by Mary Pierson Coleman, West Trenton, NJ
This is a fun take on the old Be Happy With Who You Are premise.  The names will have kids giggling. Make sure your magic is logically illogical, and not just illogical.

Pirate Annie by Lori Walsh, Sioux Falls, SD
Good title.  Love Grandpa, and would introduce him way earlier.  However, with respect to your ending, in a rare recommendation to use an art note, I’d suggest that the illustrator not show Grandpa’s full body until the last page, so you still get your surprise reveal.

A Gaping Maw by April J. Gaff, East Lansing, MI
 Funny tall tale.  Trust that the illustrator will already be showing in pictures many of the scenes you describe in words, and then cut those scenes.  Your ending is way too weak for such a big story.  You need something that equals the hurricane of the gaping maw.  This could be great … keep working!

Isabel and Esther by Cassandra Reigel Whetstone, San Jose, CA
I like how empowered they are, and their pain is very real.   However, the resolution comes too easily.  In addition, my gut says to have them deliberately resolve it themselves, rather than making it happenstance. Logisticallly, how are they building their individual towers so high if one has all the marshmallows and one all the toothpicks?

Abraca-uh-oh! by Beverly Patt, Park Ridge, IL
Great rhythm and effective repetitive “chorus.”  Ask yourself if a dad would really leave a small boy in charge of a toddler at a busy hospital, particularly by the elevators.  Love the last line.  This is very close!

Yakety Yak by Julie Meara, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
This is a great nugget of an idea, buried in too much text.  As an exercise, write the story idea in three sentences, one for beginning, one for middle, and the last for the end.  Imagine these three sentences comprise a sculpture, ready to topple with too heavy a load, and add to it, bit by bit, being careful not to let it come crashing down with too much verbiage.  Keep at it!

Poetry W.I.N.NERS
Judged by Nikki Grimes

First: "Spring," "Rocks," "Housekeeper," "Storm," "Mountain Bed" by Diana Smith, Young Harris, GA. 
My favorite: "Rocks"

Second: A Slice of Summer: Poems from a Day at the Park by Kristy Dempsey, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil*
My favorite: "Ants"

Third: Poems From My Head and Other Rhyming Thinks by Debbie Marshall*
"A strong sense of story drew me into these poems—that and the perfect punch of each poem's ending.  Another plus: The poet is clearly in touch with a child's sense of the silly.  'Dragon Stew' is my favorite."

Fourth: Cello Whispers by Brianna Caplan Sayres, Summit, NJ
Poetry and music are nature's twins, I think. Here, spare poems sing of the poet's love of
music in a way that invites the reader to join the party.  My favorite: Practice.

Honorable Mention:
"If there were a fifth ranking, I'd choose Nature Sings by Eileen Meyer, Clarendon Hills, IL.  It didn't make my list because I only liked two of the poems, but those two, especially 'Silvery Night,' were gems."  

Mid-Grade W.I.N.NERS
Judged by Alexandria LaFaye

FIRST: COMING OUT WALKING by Anne Marie Pace, Charlottesville, VA
“That first chapter is far and away the best of all of the entries. There aren’t any mistakes in it. It was one of those that, not only is it polished fiction, but it has emotional resonance to it, and a strong voice, too.”

SECOND: IN SEARCH OF BEULAH LAND, Chapter One: QUEEN OF THE COTTON PATCH by Christine Kohler, San Antonio, TX, who placed 3rd in the 2004 YA category!  “I like it because it has a strong voice, good descriptions, and the story not only has a sense of the present, but it also gives you a sense of the historical past and a sense of the emotional past among the characters. The only make or break between first and second, is polished control of the fiction. Which is not a big distinction.” Recommended reading for the author: DESSA ROSE by Sherley A. Williams, who also wrote WORKING COTTON.

THIRD: THE STATE OF KENTUCKY vs HARLEY OCEAN HAMILTON by Nancy Craddock, Bethlehem, GA
”Great courtroom drama, but the title needs work. Legalese means nothing to a child. The emotional situation is powerful, the voice is strong, but the author could further develop control over emotional resonance and plausibility of dialog.” Recommended reading for the author:  CALLING HOME by Michael Cadnum.

3-WAY TIE FOR FOURTH
THE TRUTH ACCCORDING TO CLAUDE BROWN by Nancy Craddock, Bethlehem, GA
“Powerful premise. Strong sense of emotion. But the boundary between the main character’s thoughts and the description of the present action is too fluid. It creates confusion between the two. I would also recommend working on the pacing. It’s too fast for the reader to emotionally invest in what the narrator is describing.” Recommended reading for the author: CATCHER IN THE RYE by J. D. Sallinger.

AUTUMN WINIFRED OLIVER DOES THINGS DIFFERENT by Kristin O'Donnell Tubb, Franklin, TN*
“Great title. Great Southern voice. Hilarious, but the pacing is off. It’s too self-conscious – you can see the effort of creating the voice, such as having the character be self-referential. It’s also very hard to pull off a narrator who breaks the narrative wall and speaks directly to the audience.” Recommended reading for the author: “Why I Live at the P.O.” by Flannery O’Connor, and SEND ME DOWN A MIRACLE by Han Nolan.

THE WANDERING GHOSTS OF WAR by Elizabeth E. Parker, San Marcos, TX
“The title is very adult. The opening is very strong and gives us a sense of emotion, a sense of family past, and a sense of setting. Once we enter the trauma of war itself, the pacing is too fast for the reader to enter the moment and experience the emotion. I recommend the author read the chapter, “How to Tell a True War Story,” by Tim O’Brien in the novel THE THINGS THEY CARRIED.

Honorable Mentions (in no particular order)

A WAR OF OUR OWN by Stephanie Finke, St. Charles, MO - The chigger bite scenario is funny and engaging, but not a strong opening for a novel. You need to do something that will pull them in, to allow them to invest in the characters.

LOSING YOU by Katrina Martin Davenport, Concord, CA* – “Title is too overt. The scene where Paul learns of his sister’s death is very powerful, but the opening is too long and his desire too unimportant to take as much space as it does. The author needs more of an emotional build.”

FLY A LITTLE HIGHER, PIPER LEE by Dianna Winget, Sagle, ID – “Fantastic title. The thing with this one is that the situation is too familiar. It’s not unique enough to make the characters and their lives stand out. But the writing was very good.”

THE SQUELCHER SUMMER by Betsy Ochester, Pittsburgh, PA – “Citing Jesus and food is a hilarious concept. Fantastic premise, but the narrative voice was too expository vs. lyric.”

DANCE WITH ME, CHIPETA by Sharlee Glenn, Pleasant Grove, UT -  “Kids will love the child-centered plan of action in the opening of this story, but we need a clearer idea of who Dori is and why she’s being taken. The writer might revisit the complications caused by using direct literary references.”

THE SECRET QUILT by Jerri Rudloff, Rancho Murietta, CA – “The title is too leading and not compelling enough. I would avoid names with excess cultural weight, such as the names of the twins in this story. Strong descriptions, clear emotional conflict among the characters, and clear emotional desire in the main character. Remember the importance of adding subtle humanity, even in the worst of characters.”

MONKEY GIRL by Laura Goering, Northfield, MN – “This one had a great flair to it, and strong potential. It’s just that the strength of certain parts is not carried throughout the piece.”

KIDZ IN THE WOOD by Eve Ann Princhak, San Luis Obispo, CA – “It has strong voice in the main character, but it wavers from being too overt in its attempt to be ‘street’ to being too didactic in its social message. The author needs to find the middle ground. Reconsider the forced allusion in the title.”

GEORGE WASHINGTON ATE MY HOMEWORK by Todd Wallinger, Colorado Springs, CA – “The title suggests rapid fire humor, but that’s not what’s in the text. The expectations created by a title is a contract with your reader and if you break it in the first  page, they don’t trust you enough to keep reading. On the other hand, the premise in the opening chapter is compelling and many of the character descriptions are well done.”

Young Adult W.I.N.NERS
Judged by Terry Davis

FIRST:  The Calendar of the Living and the Dead by Alessia Cowee, Chico, CA* 
Alessia Cowee's novel The Calendar of the Living and the Dead will find a home between covers.  Her subject is both classic in terms of its mortal weight and timeliness; this is material we encounter four days a week on the news and which only the most damaged hearts among us will ever get used to. 

Cowee's prose skills and her understanding of narrative are developed to the point where she has the confidence to present the story without self-conscious demands that the reader pay attention to the writing and to her as the writer.  This restraint of emotion in her prose, which allows the life of the story to rise off the page and the writing to disappear, along with her choice of vital subject matter and her understanding of both the human character as it has always been and the particular conflict her characters undergo in the opening years of the twenty-first century make this a novel that will find a home in literature. 

SECOND: Overcome by Alessia Cowee, Chico, CA.*
 
I didn't realize when I read the pages of Overcome that it was written by the same person who wrote the piece I'd chosen as #1.  I recognized the similarity in subject matter, of course, but the stories have different settings; I also hadn't realized that contestants could submit more than one piece.

Two qualities characterize this submission and Cowee's The Calendar of the Living and the Dead:  one is the weight of subject matter, and the other is the lack of affectation in presentation of her subject matter.  Now listen, please:  each of the top eight entries was about a subject with weight, which is to say -- in Aristotle's word -- magnitude: scope, seriousness, high stakes, ... weight.  Stories must have weight or it's impossible for readers to engage with them.  We do not care about a story because of the writing.  Yes, writing can certainly be compelling, and it is a compelling quality in most good stories.  But affection for the prose won't sustain us very long.  The story has to be about something vital, or it doesn't pull us in.

I said that each of the eight top stories had weight, yes.  But Cowee's two stories most effectively present that weight.  And the key to the effectiveness of her presentation -- and this is the single quality that so often separates professional narrative from amateur -- is restraint of emotion in the prose.  Amateur writing allows into the prose the writer's attempts to create effect; that is to say we hear the writer struggling; the writing itself gets between the reader and the life of the story.  Here's an example of Cowee's prose:
 
            We passed our exams to our partners and were correcting the
            final problem when the explosion sounded.
 
                People flocked to the windows, ignoring Marsales' commands
            to sit down. We couldn't see anything but people in the streets.
            Many were stopped, staring south, pointing. Marsales began to
            look worried, and as he opened his mouth to say something, I
            looked at Jihri.  His face had turned to stone.
 
In inferior -- and this is to say typical  -- writing we find adverbs with nearly every verb to direct us how to feel about the action.  For example, typical narrative writing would put an adverb with the following verbs:  explosion, starring, pointing.  The inexperienced writer's intention would be to enliven the prose with emotion.  The best professional writers realize that emotion exists in the experience in the story, not in the words that present the story.  The best professional writers realize that they must restrain emotion in their prose so that the emotion in the story comes through to the reader unaffected.  Yes, Cowee could make her prose more vivid here, but her lack of vivacity doesn't distract us.  We are with the people in the classroom when they hear the explosion and react; we are not distracted from the people and their reaction by the writer's cliche adverbs.
 
I know what you're saying.  "But don't we have to work hard to enliven our prose and our stories?"  Sure we do.  But we cannot allow our hard work to show, ever.  We must disguise every intention.  When the reader hears us trying, the reader's involvement with the story is disconnected.  Read Cowee's work and compare it to the other contestants' work.  Read it aloud.  You will hear the difference.     

THIRD:  Quaking by Kathryn D. Erskine, Charlottesville, VA* 
My guess is that Quaking will undergo strenuous editing before it sees publication, but I believe it will see publication because of Kathryn Erskine's inventiveness and humor and the strength and intensity of her prose.  Maybe one of Erskine's greatest strengths is the control she exercises over her prose.  Note here sentence length and rhythm:
 
                     "Don't worry, everything will work out fine," Loopy says.
                      Loopy drives like a ten-year-old car thief on a sugar high.
                      We are skidding across the icy lanes in her rusted out Honda
                     Civic.  I hold a bag of rock salt and rolls of toilet paper on top
                     of me for protection.

                    Loopy is delivering me to my latest hostile-takeover.  
 
Erskine, too -- along with Cowee -- restrains emotion; she does not rely on the cliche adverb, as we so often do. 
 
"What's a little adverb?" you say.  What those little cliche adverbs do is make your writing sound like everyone else's.  Read typical narrative aloud and you'll hear the similar rhythm in the prose.  Then read aloud the best professional narrative: you'll hear natural language delivered in a distinct voice.  Distinct, but not affected.  Yes, it's tough to create a distinct voice without making it affected.  But that's what's required of the best professional writing.

Read Lois Lowry's The Giver.  Her focal character turns thirteen in the book, but the narrative language never has that affected adolescent quality.  The basic reason for this is that Lowry really knows what she's doing. 

Secondary reasons are that third-person narrators need to speak a language not only distinct -- but distinct from -- their focal characters, and that whether we're in third-person omniscient or a highly colloquial first-person, we can never allow any of our language to be sucked up by the great swirling tidal surge of cliché that has already drowned most of us.

Read also Because of Winn Dixie, Godless, King of the Mild Frontier, Charlotte's Web, The Lovely Bones.  We need to read broadly, of course, but -- no matter what genre we're writing in -- we must read books of surpassing quality or we'll never discover what surpassing quality, what narrative mastery, is. 

Here are four narrative masters to read:  Tim O'Brien, especially in The Things They Carried, Louise Erdrich, especially in Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse, John Irving, Richard Russo.  It's astonishing not only how many good, but how many great writers the world is blessed with.

FOURTH: The Bad Girl's Club by Judy Gregerson, Everett, WA*
Ms. Gregerson does plenty of the right things in her introduction to The Bad Girl's Club.  First, she writes a clear, natural, restrained prose.  Her prose skills are certainly strong enough to help get her published.  We need to remember, however, that it isn't writing that gets us published; it's story.  The truth is that writing excellent prose isn't even a necessary condition to getting paid to write stories.  Examples of bad writing in successful -- even beloved -- novels are Clan of the Cave Bear and Contact.  And the enormously successful The DiVinci Code must be some of the worst writing ever committed to paper.  Read it aloud and you'll hang your head in embarrassment.  But Dan Brown holds his head up high when he goes to the bank.  Why?  Because this business of story writing is not about writing.  It's about story.  Story first and story last.  Okay, so why try to write well?  Because good writing makes story better, and because we revere the art; because we want to be proud of ourselves as ... dare I say it?  Yes, I will say it: artists.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT by Alessia Cowee, Chico, CA*

JOURNEY THROUGH DELPHI by Iliana Fotini Pappas, New York, NY*

RED GLASS by Laura Resau, Fort Collins, CO*

NIOKA by Ann Harth, Kuranda, Queensland, Australia*

Non-Fiction W.I.N.NERS
Judge by Kelly Milner Halls

FIRST PLACE A Vacation from Hibernation by Adam Ragan My Side of the Mountain by Martha Bradshaw The 3 Bears in 2C by Jonathan Rosenbaum City Music by Sharon Vargo I'm a Little Hedgehog by Pam Anzalotti Lucky Lizards by Kathleen Fain Sheldon's Little Book by Phyllis Mignard Little Dog by Julie Fromme Fortenberry A Great and Small Christmas by Mary Reaves Uhles The Magic Snowball by Julie Gissler Barry Ottilia's Dream by Laurie Tavino

Illustration W.I.N.NERS
Judged by Harcourt's Scott Piehl, Art Director, and Lauren Rille, Design Assistant
(Comments below are snippets of the back and forth discussion of each entry.)

First Place:
A Vacation from Hibernation
by Adam Ragan, Maple Ridge, British Columbia, CA
"Charming characters. I like the personality and attention to detail. I like the line art." - LR 
"It's complete. A nice, finished piece. Nothing I would change." - SP 

Second Place:
My Side of the Mountain
by Martha Bradshaw, Branford, CT
"This has got YA or Midgrade cover potential. I'd like to see more figure and more falcon. It's got a quality to it. Finished. Nice detail. This is a talented illustrator who should get work. Keep at it." - SP
"It's got a nice palette. The colors work well together." - LR 

Third Place:
The 3 Bears in 2C
by Jonathan Rosenbaum, Chartlotte, NC
"Nice, finished look. I like the pattern in the wallpaper and the koala is cute." - LR
"The fish on the wall is funny. Good details all around. The artist should do some good painting, then bring it into digital to finish." 

Fourth Place:
City Music
by Sharon Vargo, Carmel, IN
"...Could be hired right now by Highlights, Ladybug or Spider. I like the style, the medium, the linework. Stick to one medium. Don't overwork the color. Definitely YA and midgrade cover potential." - SP
"The crayon in the window makes me nervous because it's easy to over do and this artist comes dangerously close, but it has a lot of nice detail otherwise. There is so much going on in this that if it's not clean from corner to corner, it can be hard to look at, but I love the girl's hair and jacket, the leaves, the birds. The drawing is great. It's charming, but could get lost in so much pigment." - LR

Honorable Mentions

I'm a Little Hedgehog
by Pam Anzalotti, Aurora, IL - forwarded to the new Harcourt imprint for pop-up books

Lucky Lizards
by Kathleen Fain, Fort Bragg, CA

Sheldon's LIttle Book
by Phyllis Mignard, Las Vegas, NV - They were especially impressed with the attention to detail and professionalism of the presentation of this art.

Little Dog by Julie Fromme Fortenberry, Mt. Kisco, NY

A Great and Small Christmas by Mary Reaves Uhles, Nashville, TN

The Magic Snowball by Julie Gissler Barry, Scottsdale, AZ - "Great patterns!"

Ottilia's Dream by Laurie Tavino, Suffield, CT

Scott and Lauren also offered some tips for submitting professional portfolios for all the artists:

• Presentation is critical. Use quality paper and high-res printing. Don't compromise your artwork with cheap materials.
• Quality over Quantity. "Pick a style you feel most comfortable with and stick with it. I'd rather see five or six of your best pieces in collage or water color than the whole kit and caboodle of everything you've ever done." - SP
• Pay attention to detail and follow the submission directions of your target Art Directors.
• Consider marketability when you're submitting. Your work should be refined and publishable; unfinished works and immature, unsophisticated styles (aka "highschool portfolio") will not impress someone hiring for picturebooks, novel covers, or magazine illustration.
• Take a good look at who publishes what by studying publisher catalogs and recent issues of the magazines. Match your style to the Art Directors preferences before you submit.
• Take a color class - Color Theory 101 will help you avoid "muddy" art where the colors used do not complement each other and detract from the art.
• Digital artists should compare their work to the masters in the medium and really look at whether their work measures up and is ready to submit. Digital is tricky because anyone can get Photoshop and start doing digital paintings, but not everyone can do it well.
• Give your characters more character; make your work more finished - polished.
• Be careful of proportions in drawing human characters. Piehl said if the proportions are off, it throws off the whole image for him.
• Pay close attention to facial expression and hands. Get them right.
• When introduced to a new artist's work, they ask, "Can this person draw anything I ask of them, and can they create 32 finished panels?"
• Be creative and current in your choice of font styles. They tended to like the fresh, updated ones that suited the images.

At Valentine's Day we ran a contest to give away copies of the 2005 Children's Writer's and Illustrator's Market to the first six pairs of writing buddies to enter the W.I.N. Competition together. The books were generously donated by Editor Alice Pope of F+W Publishers. Thank you, Alice, and congratulations to the winners!

Pair #1:
Cassandra Reigel Whetstone, San Jose, CA
Shelly Becker, North Hollywood, CA

Pair #2:
Mary Ann Moore, Mishawaka, IN
Katharine Higgs-Coulthard, Granger, IN

Pair #3:
Julie Meara, Brisbane, Australia
Rachael Holcroft, Herts, United Kingdom

Pair #4:
Shelley Souza, New York, NY
Vijaya Khisty Bodach, Redmond, WA

Pair #5:
Beth Bailey, Castlewood, MO
Doug Turner, St. Louis, MO

Pair #6:
Sondra Eklund, Germany
Vicki Sansum, Houston, TX

	Terry Davis Alexandria LaFaye Katie Davis Nikki Grimes Kelly Milner Halls Virginia Loh Roxyanne Young

The Judges

Young Adult: Terry Davis is one of the pioneers of Young Adult literature, having published the first YA novels, Vision Quest, in 1985. Since then he's published several more novels, including his latest, If Rock and Roll Were a Movie, and has mentored the likes of Chris Crutcher and, as a professor of creative writing at the University of Minnesota at Mankato, and as a powerful workshop speaker, countless others have benefitted from his talent and love of literature.

Mid-Grade: Alexandria LaFaye is the 2005 Scott O'Dell Award Winner for her novel, Worth, which was published last year by Simon & Schuster. She is the author of several other award-winning books, as well, including The Strength of Saints and Year of the Sawdust Man, and is a professor of creative writing, too, at the University of California, Riverside.

Picturebooks: Katie Davis's charming wit and kid-friendly humor, not to mention her writing and illustration, have made her a favorite with parents and children alike. Her book, Mabel the Toothfairy and How She Got Her Job is a must-read for any kid losing a tooth or two, and her latest, Kindergarten Rocks! has received critical acclaim from book reviewers across the country and from classrooms nationwide, too, which is even better! 

Poetry: Nikki Grimes, author of the Coretta Scott King Award winner Bronx Masquerade, adds a new novel in verse to her body of work with Dark Sons, due from Hyperion in September.  A third installment of poems about best friends Danitra and Zuri also makes its appearance this year in Danitra Brown, Class Clown, out from HarperCollins.

Non-Fiction: Kelly Milner Halls is currently working on four non-fiction books at the same time and has nearly 2,000 magazine and newspaper credits to her name. You hear about those 10% of writers who are actually making a living at it - Kelly is one of them. There is no better expert on writing non-fiction for kids than Kelly, and we're extremely lucky she was able to carve out some time in her schedule to read the non-fiction category this year. She does it out of love of writing for children and her genuine desire to help new writers make their way in this industry.  Kelly also served as first round judge of the YA category.

Illustration: Scott Piehl is the Art Director for Harcourt Books for Young Readers, based in San Diego.

The First Round Judges

Cindy Jensen-Elliott is a credentialed teacher, the author of numerous magazine articles and the author and co-author of three books of non-fiction about African history, cultures and animals. She is the mother of two young children. Cindy helped judge the first round of the picturebooks and middle grade fiction categories.

Virginia Loh is working on a Doctorate in Education from SDSU-USD. Her first book, THE JADE DRAGON, co-authored by Carolyn Marsden will be published by Candlewick Press in Fall 2006.  She also has a bimonthly column in the JOURNAL OF ASIA about being single in San Diego. She teaches at local universities and is active in the writing community.  Virginia helped judge the Young Adult category.

Wendy Perkins is a freelance writer specializing in nature themes.  Her work has appeared in Highlights for Children, Kids' Wall Street News, as well as adult magazines. She is the author of 5 non-fiction books for children.

Janice M. Yuwiler is a published author of both fiction and non-fiction.  Her work has appeared in Highlights and Spider magazines, and one of her MG adventure stories was recently accepted for television broadcast.  Her latest book, Great Medical Discoveries: Insulin is due out this Fall.  She currently serves as the Critique Group Coordinator for the San Diego Chapter of SCBWI.

Roxyanne Young is Editorial Director of SmartWriters.com and a published freelance journalist and aspiring novelist who channels way too much creative energy into helping other people get published instead of polishing her own novels for submission - at least according to her very patient literary agents, but she makes it up to them by sending talented, more productive writers their way.

Another very special thank you to our sponsors: Alice Pope and F+W Publishers, and Laura Backes and Jon Bard of Children's Book Insider.

THE PRIZES:  
GRAND PRIZE:

• $500 in cash
• 2006 Children's Writer's and Illustrator's Market
• Manuscript review by a top children's publisher
• Six-month online subscription to the Children's Book Insider
• A copy of PICTURE WRITING by Anastasia Suen
• The winner will be profiled in our August 2005 Smart Writers Journal

FIRST PRIZE, EACH CATEGORY:  

• $50
• 2006 Children's Writer's and Illustrator's Market
• A copy of PICTURE WRITING by Anastasia Suen
• Manuscript review by a top children's publisher/art director
• Six-month Online Subscription to the Children's Book Insider

The Grand Prize and 1st - 4th Place W.I.N.NERS in each category will be sent for review to the editors and art directors listed below who handle their particular age groups and/or genres:

Reka Simonsen, Senior Editor, Henry Holt

Wendy Loggia, Executive Editor, Knopf Delacorte Dell Young Readers Group

Megan Atwood, Editor, Llewellyn

Frances Gilbert, Editor-in-Chief, Sterling Publishing, Publisher of Tammi Sauer's Cowboy Camp, which placed 2nd in the PB category of the 2004 W.I.N. Competition

Miriam Hees, Publisher, Blooming Tree Press

Andrea Beebe, Editor, Harcourt

Scott Piehl, Art Director, Harcourt

Tim Gilner, Art Director, Boyds Mills Press

But wait, there's more! Agents Stefanie von Borstel and Lilly Ghahremani of Full Circle Literary Agency want to see the manuscripts of all W.I.N.NERS who are not already represented.

PLUS, 2nd - 4th place W.I.N.NERS in all categories will receive a six-month online subscription to the Children's Book Insider, too, courtesy of editors Jon Bard and Laura Backes!

And another bonus for the Picturebook and Poetry Categories: Alice Pope and F&W Publishers is sponsoring copies of PICTURE WRITING by Anastasia Suen for each of the 2nd - 4th place W.I.N.NERS in these two categories, too!